Maybe it’s because of my Motörhead fetish that I’ll never get over, but anything that has a name starting with “Motor” gets my attention. And when I pressed play on La Vida Es Un Mus most recent band SNOB, whose first song is called “Motor Bitches,” shit just fell naturally into place. Before I even had time to recover from “Motor Bitches,” the second song “Lycra Daddy” just hits me like a ton of motherfucking bricks. This is the time when I start googling the band, which for the record is beautifully baptized “Snob,” and am unable to find the tiniest bit of information about them, with the exception of the label page and bandcamp that says nothing.
Now, this is right about the time when I’m about to leave work, but I’m working for a little longer just so I can play the record again. The female singer, whose name I don’t know but wish I could find out just this instant, has the typical snotty brit punk voice that I have always been in love with and gets me even more excited when the third song – “Sex Contract” – is playing. Not because it mentions sex, but because in it, she keeps screaming “I’m not signing” and “Fuck You” in a cold fashion somewhat like a Velvet Underground’s Nico in a gutter filled with needles. So now, I’m really desperate to find out more about this band – I mean, how many bands do you know nothing about in this day and age? By this time, the next song “Doctor Dildo” is playing, and if I understand correctly, the singer just keeps naming objects, and I’m not sure if they’re supposed to be sexual or not, but Snob just keeps getting hotter and hotter. When I get to song #5, about some tv tabloid host in a spoken word story-teller kind of vibe, it gets even more interesting. Next there’s a song called “Hangover” which doesn’t sound at all like a glorification of getting drunk but just the opposite, since this girl just goes on and on about a guy that doesn’t shut the hell up about how brilliant and sophisticated he is.
It’s not easy to understand all the lyrics, but the bits and pieces you can understand make it all very captivating, and they way all the songs are played – fast, melodic and with a sense of urgency – are tight as hell with the singer’s voice mixing contempt and sex vibes, but not in a cute kind of way, more in a “yes, mistress” style. So afterwards, you hear stuff like “lies are flashing” and something about some guy that tells her how good she looks and somewhere along the line, on the “Stuck” song, the singer keeps yelling, “don’t touch me, I’ll do it,” as if she’s going to slit some guy’s throat in a way that just curls up all the hairs on my body. And to end on a fucking blast, the last song, “Allies,” is just a fucking monument where the mantra is “you’re full of shit.” Because most people are.
Meanwhile, guitars keep going crazy, and about 20 minutes on, I my system is loaded with nervous, dark punk songs about dildos, motorbitches, lycra and revenge with a hell of a lot of fuck you’s thrown around. I’m not sure what can I do with the rest of my day to match this, unless I dress up in black leather and drive my van into some government building just for the adrenaline rush.
Later on, when everything quieted down a bit, I turned the internet upside down and found out that these guys already had two 7” out, and one of them is available for free download on their bandcamp. Even if my hard-on for Snob is a little less hard for their previous stuff, they still sang about important subjects, like shovelling idiots, piss, quitting your job and one of my all time favourites: sending in the mayor. Anyway, I was unable to find a decent picture to use on this piece, so the record cover will have to do, which by the way is great, since there’s weird eyes and scorpions in a punk-goes-on-acid kind of way.
I can’t wait to see the mess these Snobs are capable of live. For now, I’ll have to make do with massive doses of this hardcore punk about punishment and piss. Because shit can be serious and fun, and sometimes I get really bored with holier than thou motherfuckers.