Back in April, I wrote an article asking what would become of the goth scene in the wake of this pandemic; since then the current plague continues to warp our way of life. Businesses began reopening, but rather than bringing normalcy we entered a more confusing state of flux. Human contact is an important part of mental health. Recently, the head of a California hospital’s trauma team said his area saw more death from lockdown suicides than from the pandemic itself. For some, kink is their most personally fulfilling human interaction – so what is a lonely deviant to do? Those options are what we are going to explore here. This is not going to be a debate as to what course of action anyone should take. This is going to be an exploration of options as to how those kinky needs can be met.
There are smaller private kink clubs open. Some have a great deal of swinger crossover, which is now largely toned down. Even pre-Covid, attendance was low enough to preemptively provide social distancing. One would assume such venues take as many precautions as a gym. My gym takes member’s temperatures, asks for masks to be worn, and wipes equipment down after each use. A well-monitored dungeon should be able to uphold those standards. There are also sex stores that offer rooms for rent equipped with bondage furniture. These are the highest risk option, but in giving a comprehensive look it’s one that must be mentioned.
Dom Con is going to a virtual format the weekend of August 28th, as other events and conventions consider the climate in their plans to cancel or postpone. Atlanta’s Frolicon pushed their date back to December 13th, and finds their social media buzzing with murmurs of what should or shouldn’t happen. Obviously, these come from the most informed and well-versed minds experienced in the logistics of this sort of thing, as you might expect from those offering their unsolicited opinions online.
The internet is proving useful for connections, with sites like the one linked below that’s hosting Dom Con as well as other kink-related events. Membership is either a monthly fee or can be purchased in a 3-month or yearly non-recurring rate. It has some similar elements to Fetlife, though with less of a social media element, so there’s a greater chance it won’t be used as a dating site by people who don’t understand that kink and dating are not the same thing.
A friend of mine who’s a phone sex operator says her business is busier since lockdowns began. In fact, she quit camming to focus on it, but she does acknowledge that cam girl culture has brought it into the awareness of a new generation, as many list it on their menus. She told me that people want connection now more than ever, so calls are no longer quick, anonymous heavy-breathing sessions. She takes on a domme role on many of her calls. The need for connection I brought up earlier is more apparent to her, as her clients want to know that they’re talking to a real person. The energy exchange of a phone call is a different intensity as texting has become the norm – the lost art of conversation requires what might be seen as a more nuanced connection.
Phone sex might be booming more than it has since the 90s, but guys tend to be more visual, giving sites like Only Fans momentum. Only Fans is a better bet for selling content than sites like Myfreecams. Yes, nudity for the sake of it is vanilla, but it’s another avenue where dommes are doing one on one virtual D/S sessions. Many of these “dommes” are actually “S-Types” playing a role, since it’s better money than twerking. Having a background in non-profit arts marketing, I’ve consulted with a few women in this field in regards to how to construct a marketing model for themselves in order to maximize the demographic of men wanting to be financially submissive to them. It also comes down to me offering guidance in how they can at least properly act in the role. These roles can be flipped, and they could take on the submissive role if the dynamic is a whoever has the money and has the power sort of thing, with the “I am paying you to do what I say” angle.
The only word of caution in seeking this kind of dynamic from the more commercial cam sites is to vet through preliminary protocol to avoid things such as the popular memes where a girl is sexting while doing laundry or shopping and her thoughts are what yoga pants she should buy instead of how to cause you pain and pleasure. In my articles on the occult, I refer to magic as focused intention. In order to have the true energy exchange of a D/S relationship, both parties have to be present. If you’re topping in a dungeon and your mind is distracted by thoughts of something you ordered off Amazon, then you’re not fit for your role. After all, how can you control someone else’s mind if you can’t control yours?
Another outlet that has regained a measure of its former popularity is the virtual world Second Life, where role play can take place through the proxy of your customized avatars. Is allows for a whole new level of depravity as you can’t grievously injure or traumatize these pixel people. It’s not for everyone, and there’s not a shortage of actual trained BDSM professionals that are adapting to the current climate, so if the thought of braving the crazy world outside gives you anxiety, accommodations can be made just as easily.
If you would like a protocol screener adapted for online play or for more information in regards to any of the other avenues mentioned in this article, you can contact me via my Facebook page.