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Name: Dwight York

Cult: United Nuwaubian Nation of Moors

Teachings: York, an ex-con who at various times has referred to himself as “Melchisedek” and “Chief Black Eagle,” has claimed to be 76 trillion years old and said he arrived on Earth in a spaceship appropriately called SHAM. He teaches a swirling, ever-changing mishmash of Freemasonry, Rosicrucianism, cryptozoology, UFO mythology, and bald-faced Afrocentric racism. He has said that whites’ pale skin is due to leprosy and that Satan can use a mother’s afterbirth to clone children.

On sex: York allegedly told his son and daughter—two children of an estimated 100-plus bambinos he’d sired—that a relative had molested him as a child and that he’d been raped as a young man in jail. That son and daughter, as well as at least a dozen other Nuwaubians, accused him of rampant sex abuse of underage cult members, leading to a 2004 criminal conviction and a sentence of 135 years. Although York dictated when, how—and even if—his cult’s adult members could have sex, he roared with impunity through the young’uns, allegedly engaging in all manner of sex acts with both male and female children, some reputedly as young as five. Children were shown pornography and, in at least one case, filmed naked. A Pink Panther doll with faux male genitals sewn on was sometimes used during “instructional” sessions. York told his prey that having sex with him would help them get to heaven. He often rewarded them with candy and trinkets after he achieved physical release. “He told me not to be scared, that it’s going to hurt a little,” one of York’s female victims testified, “but it hurt a whole damn lot.”

Name: Jim Jones

Cult: The People’s Temple

Teachings: What began as a humble part-time monkey salesman and anti-racist Christian preacher with a giant penis ballooned into a full-time self-proclaimed incarnation of Jesus, Buddha, and Lenin who led nearly a thousand followers to their deaths with a giant penis.

On sex: Jones was busted in 1973 for lewd conduct after approaching a male undercover officer in an LA movie-theater bathroom with his giant communist penis exposed and fully erect. Thereafter, he declared himself “the only true heterosexual” and spent much of his time forcing his male constituents to admit they were all homos. He would fuck them in the ass to prove that they, rather than he, were homosexual. He’d expose his giant anti-racist penis and make them blow him to prove he had absolutely no interest in relating to men sexually. On at least one occasion, he had sex with a man in front of his congregation just to erase any doubts whether he was 100% hetero. He went so far as forcing his followers to sign confessions that they were homosexuals. Jones bragged that he once had sex with fourteen women and—even though he wasn’t a homosexual—a couple men on the same day.

His studliness was legendary. According to a female follower whose marriage was split up by Jones’s massive prong, physical intimacy with Jim was “the fulfillment of every sexual fantasy you could have.” He encouraged Temple women to openly mock their husbands’ skills at les arts d’amour. He forced Temple members to engage in humiliating live sex acts, such as cunnilingus on a menstruating woman, in front of the assembled throng of adults and children. And then he persuaded everyone to kill themselves.

Name: Charles Manson

Cult: The Manson Family, aka The Love And Terror Cult

Teachings: Charlie is Jesus. And he’s the Devil. And the blacks are gonna rise up and kill all the honkies except Charlie and his followers, because they’ll be snug as a bug down a hole in Death Valley. And when the blacks prove incapable of self-government, Charlie ‘n’ friends will crawl up out of the hole and rule the world.

On Sex: By nearly all accounts, Charlie was an awesome lay who could cum seven times a day and keep it hard for hours. He told his female initiates that he was “the god of fuck” and made them call him daddy. He orchestrated live orgies—many of them reputedly filmed—involving ritual animal sacrifice, blood-slurping, and mock Charlie-crucifixions. He frequently threatened to slice off his female followers’ boobs. He bent the girls’ libidos to the point where they were said to fellate dogs as well as their own infants. Toward the end, they’d say “Amen, Amen” whenever he’d speak. He also was reportedly so charming that he convinced them to stab Hollywood socialites to death and write things on the wall using the victims’ blood.

Name: Moses David

Cult: Children of God, aka The Family International

Teachings: Christianity and sex intertwined. Jesus with a boner. “We have a sexy God and a sexy religion with a very sexy leader with an extremely sexy young following,” Moses David (born David Berg) wrote in one of his skazillion letters to his followers, “so if you don’t like sex, you better get out while you can.” After Moses David croaked in 1994, his former lover Karen Zerby, aka “Mama Maria,” took over and encouraged followers of both sexes to fantasize about sex with Christ: “Jesus, I want to feel your penis inside of me and go all the way,” she wrote in one of her devotionals, “And then I want to suck it until it falls off.”

On sex: All sex is good, even if you’re a twenty-month-old male infant and an adult woman is blowing you—this very act was glowingly described in The Story of Davidito, a 762-page book the cult published to commemorate the very active sex life of young Ricky Rodriguez. Li’l Ricky was Karen Zerby’s son (she also reportedly fucked him when he was twelve) and had actively been groomed to take over the cult upon Moses David’s death.

In the seventies, Mo’ D. preached a doctrine called “Flirty Fishing,” in which his young, nubile “Hookers for Jesus” were sent out to entice male converts with sex. According to cult estimates, nearly a quarter-million men were “fished” in this manner.

The cult hit some speed bumps, though, when two of Moses’s daughters and a pair of his frickin’ granddaughters—among others—publicly accused him of childhood sexual abuse. It endured further embarrassment in 2005 when full-grown Messiah-to-be Ricky Rodriguez, after vowing revenge on the “child molesters” who’d raised him, stabbed a female cultist to death before shooting himself in the head.

Name: David Koresh

Cult: Branch Davidians

Teachings: A bloody car crash of psycho Christian eschatology with mullet-headed heavy-metal muscle-car douchebag aesthetics epitomized in Koresh’s rumination about the fact that King Solomon allegedly had a thousand wives: “Just imagine Solomon taking his wives down to McDonald’s. How much would that have cost him?” Koresh (born Vernon Wayne Howell) claimed to be the Lamb from the Book of Revelation who’d lead his followers to Jerusalem, where he’d be crucified because all the other dudes would get jealous at the amount of pussy he snagged. The Branch Davidians never made it to the Promised Land, although most of them burned to death in Waco as a booby prize.

On sex: In 1989, Koresh revealed his “New Light” doctrine, annulling all marriages within his compound and claiming dibs on all the women. His “spiritual wives” ranged in age from ten to sixty-eight. He called himself “the ultimate sex machine” and assured his concubines that “There’s only one hard-on in this whole universe that really loves you.” Toward the end, men and women were kept separate except during Koresh’s interminable lectures. Openly taunting the demoralized male followers whom he’d rendered celibate eunuchs, he claimed an estimated nineteen wives and fathered at least ten children, most of who fried to a crisp during the infamous 1993 government siege.

Name: Raël

Cult: Raëlian Movement

Teachings: In 1973, a French racecar driver named Claude Vorhilon reputedly spotted a flying saucer over a volcano in France. A small bearded alien exited the craft and gave him the rundown: Noah’s ark was a spaceship; Jesus used laser beams to perform miracles; aliens genetically engineered the human race; the soul dies when the body dies; and immortality can only be achieved through cloning. Vorhilon left the volcano’s edge rechristened “Raël” and scored a LOT of pussy as a result. He even claims to have made it with a half-dozen interracial robots simultaneously.

On sex: They’re totally for it. Raëlians promise “perpetual orgasms through cloning,” teach classes in “sensual meditation,” and hold a two-week annual nudist hootenanny at Raël’s “UFOland” compound near Montreal. Critics gripe that Raël’s female “Order of Angels,” a highly attractive bevy o’ birds by cult standards, entice lonely Trekkie dorks into joining the cult and emptying their wallets. “I didn’t like all the opening of genitals or all the focusing on the anus,” whined one ex-member. “He destroyed my life and our children’s lives,” says Raël’s former wife of fifteen years. “He wouldn’t stop having sex even if I walked into the room….Over the years I began to think the whole Raëlian movement was a trick to have more sex.”

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