Have you ever had something happen in your life that was so hilariously embarrassing that no one you told it to believed you? I bet it’s happened many times to these people. Here’s a mix of old and new stories shared on Reddit, mostly on the Today I Fucked Up thread, that made me laugh so hard I cried. I hope they bring some joy to your life today.
TIFU by enraging the parents of my girlfriend by pretending not to know what a potato is.
Posted by u/NotKnowPotato
Let me tell you that I have made a bad mistake this evening.
My girlfriend (who let me tell you is only my 2nd girlfriend of all time) said I am “invited to dinner” with her and her parents. I was very aghast, nervous, and bashful to be invited to such a situation. But I knew it must be done.
I met them nicely, I should tell you, and it started off in a good way. The idea slapped my mind that I should do a comic bit, to make a good impression and become known to them as a person who is amusing.
When I saw that baked potatoes were served I got the idea that it would be very good if I pretended I did not know what potatoes was. That would be funny.
Well let me tell you: backfired on my face. I’ll tell you how.
So first when the potato became on my plate, I acted very interesting. I showed an expression on my face so as to seem that I was confused, astounded but in a restrained way, curious, and interested. They did notice, and seemed confused, but did not remark. So I asked “This looks very interesting. What is this?”
They stared at me and the mother said “It’s a baked potato.” And I was saying “Oh, interesting, a baked….what is it again?”
And she was like “A potato.”
And I was like “A ‘potato’, oh interesting. Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good.”
And then they didn’t see I was clowning, but thought I really did not know what is a potato. So I knew I would be very shamed, humiliated, depressed, and disgusted if I admitted to making a bad joke, so what I did was to act as if it was not a joke but I committed to the act of pretending I didn’t know what a potato is.
They asked me, VERY incredulous, did I really not know what a potato is? That I never heard of a potato. I went with it and told them, yes, I did not ever even hear of a potato. Not only had I never eaten a potato I had never heard the word potato.
This went on for a bit and my girlfriend was acting very confused and embarrassed by my “fucked up antics”, and then the more insistent I was about not knowing what a potato is was when them parents starting thinking I DID know what a potato was.
Well let me tell you I had to commit 100% at this point. When I would not admit to knowing what a potato was, the father especially began to get annoyed. At one point he said something like “Enough is enough. You’re fucking with us. Admit it.” And I said “Sir, before today I never heard of a potato. I still don’t know what a potato is, other than some kind of food. I don’t know what to tell you.”
Well let me tell you he got very annoyed. I decided to take a bite of the potato, and when I did I made a high pitched noise and said “Taste’s very strange!”
That is when the father started yelling at me, and the mother kept saying “What are you doing?” and my girlfriend went to some other room.
Finally the father said I should “Get the fuck out of his house” and I said it was irrational to treat me like this just because I never heard of a potato before. Well let me tell you he didn’t take that kindly.
Now in text messages I have been telling my girlfriend I really don’t know what a potato is. The only way I can ever get out of this is for them to buy that I don’t know what a potato is.
I wish I never started it but I can’t go back. I think she will break up with me anyway.
What is the most cringeworthy thing you did to woo your crush?
Posted by u/stopfoulingjeff
When I was in 6th grade my parents talked me in to going to a week long church camp. I knew of, but didn’t know personally any of the kids going, but they sold me that everyone would praise Jesus, ride horses, and have a good time. I decided to go. It was like a 6 hour drive in one of those big white vans. Quickly everyone started whipping out their CD cases and exchanging music and I instantly was like FUCK. I only had 2 CD’s: Britney Spears “Baby One More Time” and Everclear. I was a really weird kid. Everyone was trying to talk to me about music and I had honestly never heard of any of the bands they were talking about. I just wanted to jam some Britney to myself. So naturally, I went the elitist route, said I had all of that music and I was listening to some new underground private shit they hadn’t heard of.
Once we get to camp all I’m thinking is let’s find some friends quick because I can’t talk to these kids anymore. I go to the pool and make some friends with a few older kids. There were 3 girls, 2 guys, and me. They were all in 8th grade so obviously they were really cool. Plus, I thought the girls were really hot. I figured this would be the best time, if any, to get my first kiss. Their windshield wipers were turned up to the maximum with all the game 6th grade me was spitting. We decide to leave the pool and walk around the camp till we all had to have a group meet up. The “cabins” were separated by grades so they said they would walk by the 6th grade cabin and pick me up.
First thing I do is put on my freshest outfit. Great time to break out my fresh white T-shirt. Can’t forget my jean shorts. This was pre faded denim, so this was the industrial bright blue jean shorts. It’s summer in Texas so I might was well top the outfit off with knee high white socks. And, of course, for the bitches… Doc Martens. I looked like a weird redneck lumberjack. So I walk out and they’re kind of like wtf, but whatever. It’s kiss time. We start walking and one of the older guys farts and all the girls laugh. Boom. Found my in. My friend Travis and I have been making fart jokes for quite some time so i’m up to speed on this area of humor. Bam, the other guy farts and all the girls laugh even harder. Got em. Now I’m thinking all I have to do is drop the biggest fart and literally the girls are going to laugh so hard they’re going to each kiss me one by one. I start clinching and squeezing my stomach as hard as I can. I’m walking like a newborn deer. Then I feel it. Got a big one ready. So, instead of just dropping it out and laughing I wanted to make a big show about it. I run in front of the small group, squat down, turn just my head around, and forcefully shit myself. This was all out diarrhea. If you didn’t know this before, early 90’s denim was the least forgiving fabric in the world. EVERYONE knew I shit. It’s running down my leg, being soaked up by my knee high socks. Instantly, I just react and start running. Kicking up shit like mud off a truck. I’ve never been to this camp before so I’m just running for anything. I find a bathroom toss the socks, boxers, shirt, but I couldn’t drop the jorts. I can’t just walk across the CHURCH camp naked. Plus at this point i’m thinking maybe they didn’t really see it. I was really confident in my speed at the time so I was thinking I could say that’s my thing. I drop giant farts and run before the smell catches me. Come to find out, not only were the 5 people I shit in front of outside the bathroom waiting for me, but there were like 25 kids. Instantly, I just ran in my doc’s and jorts combo back to the cabin I was staying in with the other kids chasing me and yelling “shit pants”
I run to my bed to find all the music nerds I drove up with going through my cd case. It only has the 2 cds. They are like wtf? Thought you had TONS OF SECRET MUSIC BRO. Wait, did you shit your pants? So yeah that was about 4 hours into a week long trip. I really thought farting would impress these girls. I lost my favorite pair of jorts and pride that day.
Tifu by playing with crystal meth in the first grade
Posted by u/AnItalianWereWolf
Well you can guess from the title that this was not today but many moons ago when I was a wee little lad. My teacher was teaching us about geography the whole week and I wanted to start a rock collection. After my grandma gave me a few to start me off I was excited to start collecting.
After school one fateful day, I and my friend (we’ll call him jake) were looking through a pile of rocks in the school when we found quartz, or what we thought was quartz.
I remember it so well, how Jake put it up to his nose and took a big sniff. Then it was time for me to be picked up by my dad and Jake broke the “rock” in half so I could have a piece. It split into these little splinters which I just fiddled with in my hands.
Then my dad looked over, now he was (at the time, but that’s a while different story) a cop and immediately noticed what it was a drug. He calmly told me to put it down then once we got home pulled out a drug test.
Sure enough it was meth. My dad called the school and everything was fine, he safely disposed of the meth and the stories over right?
Well no, because the school called Jake’s dad and he was furious. Not that there was meth but that they thought it was meth? He came into the office with a lighter and lit the meth saying that it isn’t burning so it’s not meth. So he lit crystal meth in a school office. THE ADMINISTRATION THEN CALLED MY DAD SAYING THAT HE WAS WRONG?!?! My dad called them out for lighting meth and that was the last of it.
Until the next morning, where my principal pulled me aside asking where I found it. Then she told me to keep it a secret.
TIFU by submitting hardcore furry erotica instead of my final paper.
Posted by u/Donthitsubmit3
So, i’m currently a 4th year computer science student at a pretty respected university and was looking to graduate this semester. One of the classes I was taking was a class in modern advancements and trends in the field of technology. While the class didn’t require to much heavy lifting it still was a higher level one and required a good amount of work. For our final, our professor had assigned us a 20-page research paper into a current or possible future technology of our choice within the field. I did my paper on helium-3 power generation. I worked my ass off on this paper and in the end was super proud of it. The papers were due last night at midnight and I held off on submitting my final draft till the end to get it as clean as possible. This is where I fucked up big time.
Let me tell you a little about myself. I don’t work a normal job. I tried it in my first year of school and I really didn’t like it. I’ve worked internships when they came up but outside of that I really didn’t “work”. This and being a student really doesn’t mix well though. So, I had to make money some way. For the past 3 years I’ve gotten by on writing hardcore erotica on commission. Specifically, for furries. I would write anything. Any fetish, any premise, anything. In some parts of that community I became really popular. At one point I was making almost 2500$ on patreon along with the amounts I charged to my customers. Am I proud of this? No. I have written some really disgusting stuff; but it paid the bills and the money was too good to pass up. I told myself the minute I got a “real” job I was cutting and running from this work.
Well, this brings us to last night. I had not gotten any sleep for the past few nights. I had multiple projects due in the span of a few days. I was running on nothing but coffee and rockstar. I was nothing more than a walking corpse and wanted to do nothing but sleep. I ended up doing my last read over of my final paper and submitted it before sleeping. However, instead of submitting my final paper, I somehow submitted one of the commissions I was working on. This commission is not light either. It is almost 10 pages long and contains a variety of things including vore and scat.
So, I went to bed. Submissions for the final locked and my academic career was sentenced to death then and there. When I woke up this morning I checked my grades for my other classes before noticing an email from my professor, all it says was to come to his office after class today.
I want to fucking die right now. I don’t know how I’m going to explain why instead of my final I submitted a hard core erotic story with a wolf man jacking off in a dragons stomach. But yeah, I fucked up big time.