Astrology is polarizing, I get it. Some people believe wholeheartedly that a person’s birth chart can determine both the conscious and unconscious facets of their personality and life path, while others think it’s fucking dumb and don’t even talk to me about it, you new age Buzzfeed loser. Hey trolls! I pre-empted your comments right there, saving you time so that you can post more Pepe memes or leave misogynist youtube comments or whatever it is you do for fun these days.
Anyway, let’s find a happy medium somewhere and acknowledge that while astrology has some airy fairy qualities, it can also be interesting to explore anything that creates connections between human beings. So here’s some food for thought for all of us who are fascinated by serial killers and have some interest in astrology โ a list of notorious serial killers, grouped by their sun signs. Someone want to do their birth charts and figure out moon and rising? Mars would probably be very relevant. But I don’t have time because I have a day job, so I’m gonna keep it light. Disclaimer: I realize that serial killers usually have childhood trauma, psychological issues, and a host of other influences that lead to their penchant for murder. AKA Not *all* Geminis are serial murderers. But a surprising number of serial murderers are Geminis…
ARIES (March 20 – April 19)
Aries are fiery, impulsive, and quick to lose their tempers. So it’s honestly not hard to imagine them killing people in a fit of rage. I feel like they would be battling with their inherent need for attention, and want desperately to be recognized for their killing prowess.

1. Joseph โThe Racist Killerโ Franklin โฆ 7-22 victims
2. Donald Harvey โฆ 37-57 victims
3. Keith โThe Happy Face Killerโ Jespersen โฆ 8 victims
4. Paul โThe Casanova Killerโ Knowles โฆ 18-35+ victims
5. Herbert Mullin โฆ 13 victims
6. Charles โThe Serpentโ Sobhraj โฆ 12+ victims
7. John Reginald โThe Monster of Rillington Placeโ Christie โฆ 8 victims
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
I’m a Taurus, and I can attest to the fact that the very rare times I’ve gotten truly angry โ not annoyed, irritated, upset, or somewhat angry, all of which I can easily control โ it was like a fucking hurricane of anger took over my body. I just wanted to destroy anything and anyone in my path. I felt like the Hulk. So yeah, I can imagine Tauruses killing people. But there’s only a few of us who go that far because mostly we want to chill, eat and fuck.

1. Martha โThe Lonely Hearts Killerโ Beck โฆ 3-17 victims
2. Albert โThe Moon Maniacโ Fish โฆ 3-9+victims
3. H. H. โThe Torture Doctorโ Holmes โฆ 9-200 victims
4. Earle โThe Gorilla Killerโ Nelson โฆ 22+ victims
GEMINI (May 21 โ June 21)
Serial killers are often described as appearing totally normal; blending into society at large, but with a dark alter ego. Kind of like Jekyll and Hyde. So it’s not that surprising that the twins top the list with the most serial killers in their midst. Two-faced is an understatement.

1. David โSon of Samโ Berkowitz โฆ 6 victims
2. Kenneth โThe Hillside Stranglerโ Bianchi โฆ 12 victims
3. Richard โThe Dracula Killerโ Chase โฆ 7 victims
4. John โThe Michigan Co-Ed Killerโ Collins โฆ 1-7+ victims
5. Jeffrey โThe Milwaukee Cannibalโ Dahmer โฆ 17 victims
6. Peter โThe Monster of Dusseldorfโ Kurten โฆ 9+ victims
7. Danny โThe Gainesville Ripperโ Rolling โฆ 8 victims
8. Arthur โThe Monster of the Riversโ Shawcross โฆ 14 victims
9. Peter โThe Yorkshire Ripperโ Sutcliffe โฆ 9+ victims
10. Wayne โThe Atlanta Child Killerโ Williams โฆ 23-29 victims
11. Robert Lee Yates โฆ 16 victims
CANCER (June 21 โ July 22)
Cancers are all about co-dependency and care. Genene Jones is the perfect example of a Cancer serial killer โ a nurse murdering the infants who depended on her for their care. But apparently killing people means you don’t have anyone depending on you any more, so it’s not a great choice for Cancers.

1. Genene Jones โฆ 2-60 victims
2. Carl Panzram โฆ 5-22 victims
LEO (July 23 โ August 22)
Leos love themselves more than any other sign of the zodiac. Killing people means you get caught, which means you’ll have to lay low either to avoid detection, or because you’ve been put in jail. No one can admire your beautiful mane if you’re behind bars, so again, not a great choice for attention-loving Leos.

1. John โThe Acid Bath Killerโ Haigh โฆ 6-9 victims
2. Myra โThe Moors Murdererโ Hindley โฆ 5 victims
3. Anthony โThe Cleveland Stranglerโ Sowell โฆ 11 victims
VIRGO (August 23 โ September 22)
Virgos are the most anal of the zodiac, by far. I’m assuming many of these Virgos got annoyed by something their victims said or did, and they took the most extreme form of correcting them by ending their lives. We are all useless fuckups in the eyes of Virgos.

1. Rodney โThe Dating Game Killerโ Alcala โฆ 8-130 victims
2. Richard โThe Angel of Deathโ Angelo โฆ 8 victims
3. Paul โThe Schoolgirl Killerโ Bernardo โฆ 3-4 victims
4. Richard โThe Thrill Killerโ Biegenwald โฆ 6-9+ victims
5. Albert โThe Boston Stranglerโ DeSalvo โฆ 13 victims
6. Ed โPsychoโ Gein โฆ 2+ victims
7. Harrison Graham โฆ 7 victims
8. Henry Lee Lucas โฆ 157+ victims
9. Gerald Stano โฆ 22-41+ victims
10. Marybeth โThe Bad Momโ Tinning โฆ 1-9 victims
LIBRA (September 23 โ October 22)
Libras want everyone to like them, and everyone to want to fuck them. These guys were probably incel-types that were angry about their advances being rejected. I bet they were also pretty easy going with the cops when they were caught. Just a reminder, I am pulling this all out of my ass.

1. Angelo โThe Hillside Stranglerโ Buono, Jr. โฆ 12 victims
2. Gerald โThe Love Slave Killerโ Gallego โฆ 10 victims
3. Patrick โThe Freeway Killerโ Kearney โฆ 21-43 victims
4. Bobby Joe โThe Classified Ad Rapistโ Long โฆ 10+ victims
5. Carlton โThe Stocking Stranglerโ Gary โฆ 7 victims
SCORPIO (October 23 โ November 21)
I have a soft spot for Scorpios; they’re my sister sign and they’re great in bed, but goddamn they rank high on the serial killer potential scale. It’s probably their tendency to be possessive, jealous, paranoid and secretive โ undeniably great qualities to have if you want to give in to your impulse to kill and get away with it.

1. Alton Coleman โฆ 8 victims
2. Nannie โThe Giggling Grannyโ Doss โฆ 11 victims
3. Belle โHellโs Belleโ Gunness โฆ 40+ victims
4. William โThe Lipstick Killerโ Heirens โฆ 3 victims
5. Charles Manson โฆ 7 victims
6. Carl Eugene โThe Sunday Morning Slasherโ Wattsโฆ 22-100 victims
7. Amy Archer-Gilligan โฆ 10-50 victims
8. Leonard Lake โฆ 11-25 victims
9. Alton Coleman โฆ 8 victims
10. Derrick Todd โThe Baton Rouge Serial Killerโ Lee โฆ 7+ victims
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 โ December 21)
Sagittarius is an adventurous sign, always looking for something and someone more fun to hang out with. They’re very outgoing and love attention, so this picture of Ted Bundy waving in court with a friendly psycho kinda look on his face is iconic Sagittarius. They probably continued to kill because they got bored with reminiscing over their earlier victims.

1. Ted Bundy โฆ 30-36+ victims
2. Richard โThe Torso Killerโ Cottingham โฆ 6+ victims
3. Edmund โThe Co-Ed Butcherโ Kemper โฆ 10 victims
4. Dennis โThe Monochrome Manโ Nilsen โฆ 12-15 victims
5. Gary Heidnik โฆ 2+ victims
6. Raymond โThe Lonely Hearts Killerโ Fernandez โฆ 3-17 victims
CAPRICORN (December 22 โ January 19)
Capricorns love planning and methodical approaches to life, so these killers were probably very organized. They’re almost as anal and judgey as Virgos, and just as intolerant of uselessness. But they like following rules, so they must have had to create some kind of alternate “code of conduct” in order to justify their law-breaking.

1. Joe โThe Alligator Manโ Ball โฆ 2-20 victims
2. William Bonin โฆ 21-36+ victims
3. Ian โThe Moors Murdererโ Brady โฆ 5 victims
4. Dean โThe Candy Manโ Corll โฆ 28+ victims
5. Vincent โThe Brooklyn Stranglerโ Johnson โฆ 5 victims
6. Charles Ng โฆ 11-25 victims
7. Wayne โThe Vampire Rapistโ Boden โฆ 3 victims
8. Dorothea โThe Death House Landladyโ Puente โฆ 3-9 victims
AQUARIUS (January 20 โ February 18)
Aquarius people are fucking weirdos. They’re not going to follow your stupid laws, they follow their internal compass, so when that goes wrong, it goes very wrong.

1. Jerry โThe Lust Killerโ Brudos โฆ 4 victims
2. Robert โThe Butcher Bakerโ Hansen โฆ 17-21+ victims
3. Joel Rifkin โฆ 9-17+ victims
4. Gary โThe Green River Killerโ Ridgeway โฆ 49-90+ victims
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
Pisces are the emotional vampires of the zodiac, and you’ll find that most of them have a victim or two in their grasp at all times. Most of them are content with destroying you emotionally and psychologically, but some of them have the need to consume your life force for real. They also rank high on the serial killer list, and I can’t say I’m surprised. These serial killers probably realized their passive aggressiveness wasn’t sating their need for human agony, so they turned to murder.

1. John Wayne โThe Clown Killerโ Gacy โฆ 33-34 victims
2. Donald Henry โThe Meanest Man in Americaโ Gaskinsโฆ 9+ victims
3. Randy Steven โThe Scorecard Killerโ Kraft โฆ 16-67 victims
4. Richard โThe Night Stalkerโ Ramirez โฆ 14 victims
5. Ottis Toole โฆ 6+ victims
6. Dennis โThe BTK Killerโ Rader โฆ 10 victims
7. Douglas โThe Sunset Slayerโ Clark โฆ 7 victims
8. Christopher โThe Beauty Queen Killerโ Wilder โฆ 8-9+ victims
9. Aileen Wuornos โฆ 7 victims
10. Christopher โThe Beauty Queen Killerโ Wilder โฆ 8-9+ victims
As a final note, don’t take this personally. You are the exception to the rule of your zodiac’s behaviour.
