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How We Used to Get Our Rocks Off: Stone Age Dildos

Maybe due to the religious myths that have been hammered into our collective consciousness for millennia, human beings, especially in the west, have a tendency to see ourselves as once innocent, and now depraved. Once upon a time, we did it as nature intended us to, but now it’s all porno and sex toy shops. In fact, there are a lot of examples of prehistoric sex toys to be found all over the world. These “ice-age batons,” as archeologists like to call them, are clearly not your average stone tool. They are life-sized penises carved from ivory, antler, and stone, in all sizes and shapes, and sometimes even with piercings.Β Some of these examples date as far back as 30,000 years ago. If a cavewoman wanted to tenderize some meat, why carve a penis to do it with – unless it wasn’t dinner she was working on. There are also references to dildos and depictions of them in art dating back to ancient Greece; they were apparently a popular subject in Greek comedy. So, far from being some kind of post-Freudian creation, dildos are something human beings have made use of for most of our history. Check out some stone-age dildos below!

Multiple-1


c. 12,000 B.C.
Several portable phallic pieces with replications of totally retracted or absent foreskin, piercings, scars and tattoos.

Images via Mashable

Ice-age-phallis


c. 29,000 B.C.
Paleolithic stone phallus discovered at Hohle Fels Cave, southwestern Germany. Made from fine-grained siltstone, ground, polished and incised. The phallus appears to have been also used as a hammerstone.

Carved Chalk Phallus.


Neolithic
Carved chalk phallus from an infilled pit in a ditch of Maumbury rings, now at Dorset County Museum.

Stone-Fox


c. 6,000 – 4,000 B.C.
Carved stag antler phallus, Sweden. 10.5 cm long, 2 cm in diameter.

Ivory


Neolithic
Carved ivory phallus, France.

Written By

Meghan MacRae grew up in Vancouver, Canada, but spent many years living in the remote woods. Living in the shadow of grizzly bears, cougars and the other predators of the wilderness taught her about the dark side of nature, and taught her to accept her place in nature's order as their prey. She is co-founder of CVLT Nation.

72 Comments

72 Comments

  1. Marcel McFly

    November 18, 2016 at 12:50 am

    Paul Since you are madly in love with all kind of phallic things and especially dildos, i can imagine you will appreciate this little article right here

  2. Julien Robillard

    November 17, 2016 at 11:57 pm

    Dildos… That seems anachronic to me.
    Phallic objects are pretty common in ancient and animic religions as symbols of fertility/masculinity (fertilize the ground, enhance the fertility of the tribe…).

    Sextoys and acceptation of feminine pleasure as an acceptable social behavior are far more modern.
    I may be wrong though, never interviewed a female caveman πŸ™‚

    • Axel Brandt

      November 18, 2016 at 12:47 am

      I think shit was way different back then. I’d say the shame in those things is what’s modern.

    • Kesali Slobuzenja

      November 18, 2016 at 1:24 am

      Axel Brandt Yes, you’re right, I’d say its a consequence due to the crusades.

    • Julien Robillard

      November 18, 2016 at 1:31 am

      Shame wasn’t involved in what I said… Just ol’ boring anthropology πŸ™‚

  3. Danny Bobby

    November 17, 2016 at 2:24 pm

    Looks comfy

  4. JuniperInLove

    April 6, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    Hey, is there any way to get castings of these? I would be willing to pay for materials and postage. Thank you for your time!

  5. Sandra

    April 1, 2015 at 8:01 pm

    I doubt very much that any of them were depicting circumcised penises, as that was only done up to about 5000 years ago in Egypt, then mostly only by Jews, then by Muslims.
    Christians and non-religious people only started circumcising in the late 1800’s.
    Erect natural penises often use up all or most of their foreskin. That’s one of the many reasons why it’s there: for the erection to grow into.

    • Anthony Edwards

      April 3, 2015 at 4:06 am

      Circumcision has appeared in many cultures, not just Jews. South American cultures have both female and male versions of circumcision. Even if it were true that circumcision wasn’t popularized until the Jews (other cultures had versions prior to the Jews, though it was not a uniform concept) many cultures develop and then ‘forget’ their culture changes.

      • Sandra

        April 8, 2015 at 8:53 am

        Yes I know. Re-read what I said about it happening in Egypt 5000 years ago.
        Most people don’t like taking knives to their penises. Shocker, I know.

        • Anthony Edwards

          April 21, 2015 at 6:15 am

          I assumed when you discussed Egyptians, you were suggesting Egyptian Jews.

          After watching people piercing everything they can get a needle or a bamboo shoot through, it does shock me that circumcision took so long to appear in an ancient culture.

          You did make me chuckle though.

    • rockinout4ever

      April 4, 2015 at 10:07 am

      Awesome info, but are you saying the article is false? I’m not against you, this article is hilarious but just asking if you think if it’s false.

      • Sandra

        April 8, 2015 at 8:51 am

        Not saying it’s false at all, just that the writer doesn’t know that most penises are never (and were never) circumcised. A lot of people who have never seen an intact penis don’t realize that foreskin retracts during an erection, and that they look virtually the same as circumcised penises.

  6. Eunice Jo

    April 1, 2015 at 9:05 am

    μ΄μ˜ˆμ› 이거슨 세건샄ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

  7. Amy Lole-Taylor

    April 1, 2015 at 1:53 am

    Jessica

  8. Malia Harris

    March 31, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    Donna Shamblin Kaylah Goette

    • Donna Shamblin

      March 31, 2015 at 9:30 pm

      I don’t believe it. Why are they circumsized??? They didn’t have circs back then!!

  9. Vanessa Villalobos

    March 31, 2015 at 5:02 pm

    Wtf

  10. Melissa Tavilla

    March 31, 2015 at 2:07 pm

    Major lol!

  11. Samantha Evans

    March 31, 2015 at 1:13 pm

    Annette lmao

  12. Valerie Villalobos Tejeda

    March 31, 2015 at 1:11 pm

    Ummm is this where “you rocked my world” came from? LOL

  13. Jose Antonio Espinal

    March 31, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    To play drums

  14. Summer Sanchez

    March 31, 2015 at 12:21 pm

    Melissa Burciaga like this? Lop

  15. Henry Rearden

    March 31, 2015 at 10:14 am

    Maybe they were large primitive spoons?

  16. Ally Waldrep Birkett

    March 31, 2015 at 9:35 am

    Becky Wilgus

  17. Ally Waldrep Birkett

    March 31, 2015 at 9:35 am

    Brianna Zamborsky

  18. Jennifer Shores Lauscher

    March 31, 2015 at 9:23 am

    Patrice DeAvila

  19. Amanda Fader-Piszczek

    March 31, 2015 at 9:20 am

    Sara ‘Nichols’ Fader did you find any of these at your pure romance party lol

  20. Ally Waldrep Birkett

    March 31, 2015 at 8:58 am

    Matt Birkett

  21. Jon Hoover

    March 31, 2015 at 8:58 am

  22. Katrina Spoor

    March 31, 2015 at 8:25 am

    Mars Chanelle

  23. Charles Douglas Hoffman

    March 31, 2015 at 7:50 am

    Lol I get it “rocks”

  24. Cara Slagle

    March 31, 2015 at 7:46 am

    Aubrienna Pembrook more sex facts grl

  25. Gustavo Gomez Q

    March 31, 2015 at 7:35 am

    Faliformes los hemos excavado

  26. Gustavo Gomez Q

    March 31, 2015 at 7:35 am

    Faliformes los hemos excavado

  27. Andrew Chione

    March 31, 2015 at 7:28 am

    Indre Jan

  28. Flogging Mayra

    March 31, 2015 at 7:09 am

    Valde Gutierrez Lopez

  29. Maryrose Runk

    March 31, 2015 at 7:02 am

    Tasha Reeder

  30. Damion Lee

    March 31, 2015 at 7:01 am

    Cassie

  31. Danny Villa

    March 31, 2015 at 6:47 am

    Dee Ceased

  32. James Bond Noteno

    March 31, 2015 at 6:09 am

    Gustavo Gomez Q

  33. AnaLui Valdez

    March 31, 2015 at 6:05 am

    Anel Munguia mamaron!

  34. AnaLui Valdez

    March 31, 2015 at 6:04 am

    Jajajajaja

  35. Chelsea Delsea

    March 31, 2015 at 5:59 am

    Erin Sibulak

  36. Bella Robles

    March 31, 2015 at 5:52 am

    Beat-Rice Corona Flores

  37. Roy Linford Adams

    March 31, 2015 at 5:44 am

    #2 is just down right scary.

  38. Joel Grind

    March 31, 2015 at 5:20 am

    Samael Montenegro

  39. Phil Wall

    March 31, 2015 at 4:16 am

    They would surely chafe a bit πŸ˜€

  40. Niltzsche Foukoopmann

    March 31, 2015 at 4:09 am

    Chrissi Winzen solltet ihr in den katalog aufnehmen. Saskia Cannibal wΓΌrde das auch freuen

  41. Frederico Grimmann

    March 31, 2015 at 3:44 am

    Mushrooms.

  42. Keith Fivey

    March 31, 2015 at 3:38 am

    I can see now why you’re up all night

  43. Keith Fivey

    March 31, 2015 at 3:38 am

    I can see now why you’re up all night

  44. Keith Fivey

    March 31, 2015 at 3:38 am

    I can see now why you’re up all night

  45. Dave Sharpe

    March 31, 2015 at 3:30 am

    Wilma was Flintboned

  46. Vo Dou

    March 31, 2015 at 2:45 am

    Sean A Miller

  47. Jason Davies-Bunny

    March 31, 2015 at 2:24 am

    Lmfao!

  48. Isaac Flamecore Kitsch

    March 31, 2015 at 1:43 am

    Rose Martin

  49. Sarah Lowes

    March 31, 2015 at 1:43 am

    Kasia Lorenz

  50. Chen Yen-Ling

    March 31, 2015 at 1:29 am

    ζž—ι•·θ™Ή

  51. Gretchen Mapel

    March 31, 2015 at 1:24 am

    Sarah Cook why do I think this will interest you

  52. Rahmat Gunawan

    March 31, 2015 at 1:16 am

    Yusuf Aji W Kurniawan Laksono

  53. Emmanuel Allejandro Viilla

    March 31, 2015 at 1:14 am

    Arthur

  54. James Savage

    March 31, 2015 at 1:09 am

  55. Daniel Dodecahedron

    March 31, 2015 at 1:09 am

    The ancient Cum Prophecies were true…

  56. Rontimon Sdsadfg

    March 31, 2015 at 1:02 am

    Gogo Kratskrats

  57. William Francis Lebowski III

    March 31, 2015 at 1:01 am

    “Neolithic Dicks” – my new band

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